NOTE: I am not the best artist nor can I color well so I don't use color.
The Fool Concept Drawing:
::The Fool -- Contact Missions::
:..>Make ‘Em Laugh!Summary: Seek valuable info from a Machine Mainframe.
The Fool: Awww man, this episode of Cool Cartooz is now over! God that show is awesome! So awesome they made a movie about it. Many people say they hate the idea of cute cartoon animals being slaughtered but those same people have tubes going up there collective asses in the Real World, so what the fuck do they know?! Thank god instead of waisting 10 bucks to sit with a guy on his cell phone and a cunt with her kid wailing away I can just bootleg it and watch it in the comfort of me own hom-er-shed. However, my new porno is now up for grabs now and I cannot bring myself to go out and get it. I am a very busy man ______, I do not jerk around. I mean, I do that, I make time for it...but errrr I got schedules. That is why I selected you my Oppie looking friend. Go to my bootlegger and get me that video, before dinner would also be a plus!
Operator: Well he certainly does live up to his name of being crazy. He is going to hire you to just go to a bootlegger and get a video? Which cakewalk did you travel onto ______? I wish everything were that easy for me!
The Player heads over to a shoddy apartment building and finds a man named Bootleg.
Bootleg: Sorry kid, not only am I fresh out of the Cool Cartooz bootleg, but the FBI raided my pad a week ago so all the data I have for my films are lost and under custody. I am sure they are all destroyed by now.
Operator: Erm, that is not good. I would suggest going back to tell the Fool that his DVD is gone, but I have heard rumors that he likes to slowly torture people who disobey him and then executes them publicly in a humiliating way. That...is not good. Ask the bootleger is there is any other way to obtain his stupid cartoon DVD.
The Player asks.
Bootleg: Well, there is one way to get a copy but it is risky as hell. Ok. You know how in the city they keep records of everything? Well they do, inside of the various government runed buildings. They do this so that they can review anything is worth of value and then decide to keep it or destroy it. There is one building that is an archive for films, I bet if you look there you can find the original reel which would be better than the original deal! A bit of a warning though, it is guarded by the government and if they catch you you can be in big trouble by the feds so I do not recommend doing it unless you are a complete whack job!
The Player leaves and The Fool calls again.
The Fool: So to get my movie, I have to be a complete whack job. Lets look at my resume....Energy Resource Management. Con Artist. Actor. Sex Worker and look! Complete Whack Job! I fit the bill just fine!
_________, new plan! We are going to get the original reel of the movie! The building your friend told me of is a code archive that stores the code of objects that pass by this area. We can extract the code and replicate it from the mainframe. Knowing the mechanical insects, they will most likely have encrypted the data and put tons of security locks everywhere. Fucking Feds! Hmm, sounds like a good name of a TV show. But hark, I have a plan in my itty bitty head! If we reboot the power in the building, all the locks will have canceled out meaning you can just waltz in there with less bullets in your ass than the hard way!
Go to this power station I have sent to your bird brain operator and fix our power problem!
Operator: I don't know what is more offensive, the fact that he said I have a brain the size of a bird or that he want you to turn off power to a whole city block so you can infiltrate a god damn building just so you can get him a cartoon movie. Does he really expect you to do that? I mean, you cannot possibly agree to this madness!?!
The Player arrives at the Power Station.
Operator: Holy Shit, I cannot believe you are going through with this! You must be as crazy as he is with an added death wish to boot! Ok then, If you die, its your own hide! There are some guards in the room. I suggest getting around them first.
The Player manages to deal with the guards and the locked door that leads to a room with many machines.
Operator: Ok, I have highlighted a large gray circuit breaker in the room. You must flip it off, count to ten and then flip it back on. That should do the trick. I still cannot believe I am helping you with this. What would my superiors think if they ever found out?
The Player does as he is told: locates the Power Switch and flips it off and then flips it back on. The Player then leaves.
The Fool: Splendid! Now its the time for some fun! Put on your game face and do your best wooden Keanu Reeves impression because you are going to rush in there full guns a blazing! RA-TA-TA-TA-TAT! Those pigs will not know what hit 'em! New location, same shit, different day!
Operator: Ok, you are not Neo, but I guess you can do this. I doubt you can make it out alive, the place is heavily guarded. You are going to have a small army to face when you try to pass the gun check room!
The Player makes his way to the building were guards sit, two are watching TV and then there is a guard that is at the bag scanner.
Guard: Please remove all personal items, keys loose change and-OH MY GOD HE HAS A GUN! SIR YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE THOSE IN HERE!
The Player battles the guards in the room and enters in to find a few more guards that the Player then deals with. The player then reaches a scientific looking room with some mainframes.
Operator: Wow, I have not seen one of these in the Matrix! It looks like a code database like the ones we use to send objects into the construct. Perhaps it works the same way? Cross your fingers in hoping that it does! I will guide you through the process. You need to place the activation code in the mainframe before you can begin.
The player finds the Activation Floppy from a scientist in a room.
Scientist: Ah! Please don't kill me! You want the....the Activation disk? For what? Not the transporter, the thing only works half of the time and its bro-ah don't point the gun at me! Here, take it! Just please don't kill me.
The Player puts the Activation Floppy in the mainframe.
Operator: Ok. Now find the main computer and I will talk you through the coding process. Type exactly what I say....
The Player then locates the computer in the room and runs it. A flash happens and a movie reel warps in on the table.
Operator: You did it! You actually did it! You-
A helicopter sound.
Operator: ______, I am detecting heavy artillery heading your way. Its...the FEDS! Holy Crap they sent in enough to kill an elephant! Uh...remember when I said that the Fool was crazy? I take that back, the guy is a full blown psycho that set you up to die! Get the hell out of doge!
The Player runs into some Regime members who combat the Player but then a large boom can be heard and the walls start glitching with Matrix code.
Regime Captain: Man down! The transporter is unstable, I repeat, the transporter is unstable! Fall back! Fall back!
The Regime members fighting drop dead and the rest run away. When the player heads towards the exit he encounters an Agent who aims his gun at the player but then his gun glitches and disappears.
Agent: We may have a data leak. Contact The Auditor immediately! This is his area of expertise.
The Agent's pants and shades glitches leaving him without pants.
The Fool: Bwahahahaaa! Classic! Ask him if he feels a draft in his lovely choice of ducky boxers.
Agent: You have won this time Mr. ________.
The Agent disappears leaving a pants less human.
Bluepill: What the?
The area starts glitching with random Plague Zone 1.0 and Powerless Zones killing the Bluepill and possibly the player if he dose not leave the area. After leaving, the Player then uploads the Reel to a Hardline and the Fool phones him back.
The Fool: Oopsie! I guess that busted code database was a wee-bit more unstable than I thought it was. Ah well, you heard Agent Underpants right? They are going to send The Auditor to fix this shit. I am sure Mr. 1's and 0's will just send some lapdog of his to patch all this up. I feel sad for that person, the man is boring as watching wood be wood and frankly I have never seen that man smile. Its irritating.
But THANK YOU FOR THE DVD! Yes, good Cool Cartooz goodness right on my own TV. Here comes the mouse with the aluminum bat and OW! That is going to leave a mark. Ok _______, scram while I get the popcorn!
:..>Two Stupid DogsSummary: Stir up conflict between two prominent Exiles.
The Fool: Hay there _______, remember me pal? Your one of my best buds now after getting that movie for me. It was good but now I have another problem. Its the TV. No I do not want you to fix the TV itself stupid, its what is on the TV. You know what the problem is with Television? It broadcasts shit. Pure, unimaginative, boring shit! There use to be funny shit on TV back in the day. Kids stapling themself's in the nuts, teenage girls getting raped, two trucks crashing each other on the Freeway. Fucking hillarious stuff!
And you know who made the best stuff? If you said Exiles, you would be correct! Machines are better than everything than humans, even blowing each other to a pile of mess over some mere bits of info when they are stamped "REJECTED" on there foreheads and thrown out of the Machine City. However, since ol' Tommy Boy slapped on the Truce awhile ago nobody is tearing each other throats out anymore.
Well, I will not stand for that anymore! Like they say: If you wanna do something right you just have to do it yourself. Or in my case, you have to pay some twit to run around and do the things you want! Hence why you are here _____. We are going to try my new product: Exile Gang War! Step One: Visit a band of my Joker's Child at this location!
The Player shows up at apartment that has turned into an art gallery lobby.
Operator: I read exiles in the building. This must be them. Be careful, they love to play pranks. They love the deadly ones.
The Player meets some of the Joker's Childes who are telling jokes and laughing. The leader is who the Player has to talk to.
Giggles: Hi there _____, you must be the kid boss sent over. Let me tell you, boss is one smooth motha! You see, awhile ago he met Argon who is the unoffical head of the Elements family in the Slums. Oh you new that already? Ok well, when they shook hands Argon got zapped by the Fools hand buzzer. He was pissed as hell obviously about the jolt. However, what Argon did not know is that the buzzer does more than shock people. It took his hand prints and code signature. Boss then coded a paintbrush that has Argon's prints and his alone. That is why you are here. Take this brush and take me and a few fellow Jokers and head up stares. We are going to make some art! Bwaaahahah!
The Player takes the brush from Giggles and optionally a few Joker's Child members. The Player then takes the elevator up stares to the Second Floor.
Operator: The Fool just called me back, after pranking me he said to forward this to you. God I hate his guts already.
The Fool: You see the plan now? Well let me explain this to you. You are right now sitting in the spoiled brat Mandarin's art gallery. Yup, this is were he keeps those dreadful paintings and his sissy occult statues. We are going to go around and paint the town red, or at least his valued paintings. Get back to me when you are done with this floor.
The Player then moves around from exhibit to exhibit painting over Mandarin's paintings. Corporate Security guards the area. When all the paintings are destroyed the Player contacts the Fool.
The Fool: Spaztastic job there ______, spank you muchos. However, I have one more painting for you to hit. Go to this location and put your own Pacaoso spin on his unfinished work and then drop the brush on his desk. That way he will think Argon did it, and will go "wha! wha! wha! all the way home" to his daddy. Then it will be slug fest time!
The Player arrives at a small classy apartment.
The Fool: Ah, so this is what a guy with a silver spoon up his ass lives in?
A few Corporate Security guard the area and when defeated give up a key to Mandarin's Art Room. The Player paints over the painting.
Operator: Ok, now put the paintbrush in the desk in his room
When the player opens the drawer, there is an object in there.
Operator: Huh? What is this? I think your should check that thing it out.
The Player puts the Paintbrush in the drawer and pulls out the object. Its a letter.
Letter: Dear Beryl, my love I have wrote you this because I think i r love you. I ahve seeen you from affar and I take my eyes off you. I think you are hwat in that shexy top. Your boobies glissen in the light. You have the figure of a spoon and the beauty suprased by only Persephone, no, evne prittyer. I woz wonderin if u would go on date with me. I have monies. We can go places. Love, Mandarin.
The Player leaves the are and is contacted immediately by The Fool.
The Fool: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Holy crap do you know what you just found? You hit the jackpot of comic gold ______! I had no idea that the sissy was in love with that big breasted floozy Beryl! Guess this was his dirty little secret. While everybody knows that she has a knack for sleeping around with the frequency of a cheep ham radio, Argon thinks that she is his woman and will maim anyone who even thinks of her in a sexual way. Obviously the name of a chicken flavor did not want this embarrassing message to be delivered so guess its time for you to play Cupid! This is going to be grand...
The Player shows up at a new location, a very expensive apartment suite. Inside the Player finds Beryl in nothing but a towel wrapped around her voluptuous body.
Beryl: Guards is there something wron-ACK! What are you doing here!?! Are you working for Argon? Wha-oh you are delivering me a message? Well...give it to me.
The Player gives her the Love Letter.
Beryl: Oh my god this is from Mandarin! Its badly written but I can tell that he wants to go out with me. Sure he does nag a bit but I love his British accent and boy is he a cutie! Oh god, I have to call him back, and I do not even know what to ware! Thank you for getting this to me!
Operator: Be sure to wave to Argon's security camera when you leave.
The Player leaves the building.
The Fool: Ok, now its SHOW TIME! This should be grand now, the only question is who will blow up first. Currently Argon is at a meeting with Mr. Black. I would like you to go there to view the fruits of your labor. I will be tuning in on Channel 4!
The Player ends up at a room with Mr. Black, Argon and a few members of the Dog Pound with tons of Exile Guards roaming the place.
Dog Pound Member: Hay, who are you?
Operator: Um, say you were sent by Sammy for the peace talks!
Dog Pound Member: Ok, you can stay for a bit. The meeting is almost over with anyway.
Mr. Black: -so the gun shipment has come in. Good, now I assume that they are outfitted with the right ammo too?
Argon: Yes Mr. Black. You have my data bits?
Mr. Black: Of course. So the deal is set-
Mandarin: Dad! Dad!
Mr. Black: What in the? Son, Daddy is in an important business meeting so please wait my boy until this is over with.
Mandarin: Dad you do not understand. My....my paintings and things were attacked!
Mr. Black: What!?! They were destroyed? I put much information in those things!
Mandarin: We know who did it to! That bastard, him! Argon! He destroyed...my lives' work!
Mandarin cries.
Mr. Black: This paintbrush...this is your signature Argon. What is the meaning of this!?
Argon: I-I-I...I have no idea whats going on.
Mr. Black: Do not lie to me you thug!
Argon: I am telling you I did nothing!
A Exile named Assistant enters the room and runs to Argon.
Assistant: Sir, you wanted updates on the ongoings of Beryl. Here is the latest. The Exile Mandarin, son of Mr. Black has sent Beryl this letter. She has left a message on his answering machine to set up a date and time for a love date. She seems to be very excited and sexual about this sir.
Argon: Let me see that! "Your boobies glisten...." Ok, that is it. Mr. Black, does your son knows that Beryl is my girl? Why the hell is he going on dates with her!?!
Mandarin: How...how did you get that?
Argon: Listen to me asshole, Beryl is my girl! I would tear your tear your throat out right now-
Mr. Black: How dare you insult my son! Especially after you destroyed his works, some of them which belonged to me and are now ruined!
Argon: I am telling you I had nothing to do with that you black asshole!
Mr. Black: Lier!
Argon: Wife Stealer!
Mr. Black: The deal is off!
Argon: You know what! I do not like you anyway. Fire!
The exiles fire at each other as Argon, Mr. Black and Mandarin escape.
Dog Pound Member: The deal has failed Sammy! We are going to need back up!
The Dog Pound are overwhelmed by Exiles as the player escapes.
The Fool: That...was priceless! Did you look at Argon _____? I was counting how many veins popped in his forehead when he read that letter! And Mandarin crying? Pure comedy! Amazing work ______! I am going to have to use you more often! I am going to tune into the Evening News now, I caught a Bus Bombing incident near and Exile Zone. The war of screamy pain has now begun! I am going to need way more popcorn for this! Good job!
:..>And Now for Something Completely DifferentSummary: Help out Zion in the most humiliating way possible.
The Fool: Hello my friend ______, nice to see you again ______ and all that crap. Look, I know you already so this is going to be short and strait to the point. Some people say I hate Zion. On the contrary, I admire there terroristic and chaotic work they do in the system. Such adorable little zealots! I am a mighty big fan of Niobe and a little birdy told me that she has been currently stuck in a jam. Mmmm, jam! You have to go and help her brown but out. Head to this location. Vamoose!
Operator: Wow, he spared us the blabbing this time. He either likes you, or this is a simple objective he has given us. I am hoping its more of the later. This location is one of his Joker's Child hang outs. Be careful as usual!
The Player arrives in a abandon apartment structure and in the basement are various Joker's Child and the leader of this group.
Pennywise: Ah there you are! Whats wrong, Agent got your tongue? Whatever! Look, boss needs you to get someone out of a jam so I want you to take this anti-viral med and some Jokers for assistance. By the way, how does my hair look? I tried this new moose and it feels like it is smokin'!
(The joke here is Pennywise is the only Joker's Child to have hair made of fire)
The Player takes the Anti-Viral Pill, some Joker's Child thugs and various helpful items from the stronghold and leaves the building.
The Fool: So you did not fall on your ass when making it over there? Good, because you are running out of time. STEP ON IT!!!
The Player arrives at a building that is swarming with Regime members and dead Zionists. When the player has cleared the way, Niobe is found in the last locked room fighting two Regime members. The Player helps her out and talks to a badly wounded Niobe.
Niobe: What are you doing here _____?
Operative: Uh, what do we do? Huh? Hold on a sec....Room Service? Oh god damn it, its the Fool again! Here, this is for you. I do not want to deal with him again...
The Fool: Ah so there is our tasty fudge colored Zionist! She seems to be in bad shape. Tell her the truth, the Regime have infected her with a viral compound that wiped out the other Zionist. What you have in that Anti-Viral Pill is the cure to it. She has to take it or she will die.
The Player tells her what the Fool said.
Niobe: Sparks told me about some sort of code injected in the area. That must be it...you have the cure? How can I trust you? You are working for The Fool! That man is out of his mind. I am going to ask Sparks about this.
Niobe takes out her cell.
Niobe: Sparks, we have been hit bad. This person you see on your monitor says he has a anti-virus to cure my condition can you double check to see if this is legit? Ok I will wait. What, it is true!? Sparks....ok. If you say the virus is deadly I will believe you. Ugh this hurts! Well _____, give me it already!
The Player gives her the Anti-Viral Pill and Niobe takes it and heals instantly.
Niobe: Wow, you were not kidding! It does work! I feel better-
Suddenly her cloths glitch and they disappear only for Niobe to change into a flattering set of bondage gear with a thong with the words "JUICY" printed large on it.
Niobe: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!
Niobe points a gun at the Player. Any surviving members of the Joker's Child laugh hysterically.
Niobe: You better tell me what has happened to my cloths or you are going to eat this bullet _______!
Operator: Oh my....
The Fool: Hi this is me again. This is what you should tell her. Tell her that the Anti-Viral Pill she took has a side effect of changing her cloths with a new set of under-roos that I have personally picked out for her. Tell her that if she does not like what she has on that he cloths are located a few blocks away from here and that only you know the location.
The Player tells Niobe.
Niobe: I am going to get you for pulling this stunt but right now I have more important things to deal with Sparks, set up a hardline for-what? You mean due to this pill I cannot use a hardline?! You got to be kidding me! I have to walk to the location now? Grrrrrr! Ok fine. Send Ghost to the same location. You, _____, take me there and use the back roads and Sparks, if you tell anyone about this I am going to snap your neck. Well, what are you waiting for? Lets go!
The Player leaves with Niobe in tow.
The Fool: I sent you the location of her cloths to your GPS map. Unlike what Niobe said, take her on the main roads there and walk her around a bit. This is my gift for everyone to see and enjoy! Oh and do not worry, I sent a few friends of mine to help you out in this situation.
The Player takes a long walk with Niobe in her new look. Joker's Child, Exiles, and Redpills show up to point and laugh at her as Niobe get angrier. Half way through the trip the Player is visited by a Reporter, Camera Man and Photographer.
Photographer: Stepping through, this is for the front page of the Sentinel!
Reporter: Hello Niobe I am a reporter from Channel 4 News! Tell me, why are you currently dressed like this.
Niobe: Grrrrrrrrr!
Reporter: More at 10!
The Reporter and Camera Man follow Niobe around until the Player reaches the building were Niobe's clothes are held. Ghost and a few Zionist are there. They try to act serious and one ends up bursting out laughing.
Ghost: Niobe....what happened?
Niobe: The Fool, that is what happened!
Niobe finds her outfit on the desk and changes immediately. Then she points her gun at the player and the other Zionist follow suit.
Niobe: You have 10 seconds to get the hell out of my face before I pump you full of led. One....two...
If the player does not leave then they will all fire at the Player killing him. When the Player leaves the building the Fool calls in again.
The Fool: Fantastic _______! You have cetaintly earned your first class in prankster-ism from the School of The Fool! Hay, I made a rhyme! I am a hard core rapper yo! If I have any more plans for you, just come down and I will let you know. Either that or I will mail it to you with a friendly sample of Anthrax. Ciao!
:..>Spreading the WordSummary: Convince The Merovingian to accept The Fool’s deal.
The Fool: Did you know if you eat all your groceries before you get to the check out counter you do not have to pay for them? Well know you know.
Off Topic here but guess who I was talking to on the Phone for two hours? Froggy that is who! After I fled the Matrix for my mishap with the Power Plant, Froggy took me into his fancy house in the mountains after I was suppose to make an oath to him. Well, I do not like oaths personally my self. So I said no and he over reacted. I mean, all I did was shoot Persephone in the leg and then threw her entire panty and lingerie wardrobe off of the Mjolnir Monument. Nothing to cry about!
Well now Froggy has not liked me and I was trying to offer him a deal but he would not lessen to me. The he tried to bully me to leave him alone! How rude! So, this is were you come in ______. I need you to convince the Merovingian that my offer is worth it. I also know exactly the way to do it so lessen to me with that empty head of yours. First, to the drug store!
Operator: Oh god, I wonder what he wants you to do this time. Poison a Merv cake? Tar and Feather Malphs? I would not put anything past him at this rate. I wonder since you keep on accepting his missions if you are addicted to this kind of stupidity?
The Player finds himself at a drug cartel that is filled with members of the Five Points gang. Boxes of cocaine line the walls leading its way to Rani.
Rani: An anonymous contact told me someone will be coming. You look like the type so lets get this over with.
The Fool: Hay, its me again. Since you seem to have the vocal skills of a high school science teacher I think its best if I talk to her. Put me on Speaker Phone please with a cherry on top.
The Player stands there as the Fool speaks.
The Fool: Hello, Rani dear. Can you hear me?
Rani: The Fool?
The Fool: Hello? Hello Cleavland! Bwahahaha, Rani wasup? How is life in the fast lane lined with dope.
Rani: Ah its ok. I had a few wild parties. What do you need?
The Fool: Not much. I have a tickle in the back of my throat, so two tabs of cold meds would do. I also would like some aloe for that burn I got from moving the frying pan and.....all the Canihydroxidopamines you have that can fill up a large swimming pool.
Rani: CzH4D12? You have dogs that you are experimenting on?
The Fool: I have a few that I've been thinking about.
Rani: Would you like the counter substance to cancel its effects?
The Fool: Naw, they do not need it. Besides, have you not heard the healing power of laughter? However, I would like to add a explosive charge to that package. Check your bank account I just sent the check for you being a good girl.
Rani: Awww, how nice. Just to be fair, I am going to going to give you a discount for being a good boy for bringing me victims to the Five Points.
The Fool: Anything to fuel that wonderful game of theres. See this kid here? His/Her name is ________, give the package with charge to him and he will deliver it to me. Got it?
Rani: Got it.
The Fool: Goodbye!
The Player takes the CzH4D12 Primer from Rani and leaves the area.
Operator: CzH3-they use that stuff on dogs to replicate the effects of rabies. What the hell could the Fool want with that stuff? Is he taking it himself because that would explain a lot!
The Fool: Good, you got my package. Now its time to put this plan into action. You are going to go to only one place, but what you will do there will most likely go down in history and make you a big target on Froggy's hit list. With that I must ask...have you ever gone to Club Hel?
The Player is sent to Club Hel in Hampton Green. After the Coat Check room the Player finds himself with many Exiles, Doberman, Vamps, Succubi and more dancing the night away.
Operator: God this plan gets crazier by the minute! Ok, I was told to find the back door escort. He is the one in the red shirt and...intoxicated.
The Player finds the man talked about and speaks with him.
Back Door Escort: Hiya mattie! What seems to be the properlem?
Operator: He looks completely wasted. I had no idea they were making Dozer's drink in the Matrix! Hmm, this could give you an edge. Talk to him and see if he can give you access to the operation room.
The Player speaks to the escort.
Back Door Escort: We have been habing strong party tonight! Whooo! Everyone is happy and crazy. That is why I like Hel, it relaxes joo. My girl dumped me this past week, total bitch. Said I was hiding code from her. Fuck her! We all hide code man, that is how it is. I almost commited suieside right there. I hate this job.
The Player talks to him more.
Back Door Escort: You know what, I need to let go of my job and just party man! Here are the keys, you look after the stuff. But do not tempoor with it man because you do not know shit about fuck ok?
The Player gets the Operations Key.
Back Door Escort: Parrrty! Drinks on me tonght!
Operator: Wow, that was easy. Ok, the Operations Room should be around here. Find it and enter in. Beware, I sense guards with big guns in that room.
The Player finds the Operations Room near the Club Hel catwalks and enters it. After walking down the hallway they find some cowardly Exiles working the heat and security with some Elite Merv Guards. The Player kills them and the Operator calls back.
Operator: Ok, now what he wants you to do is open the door the the main air shaft and put the drugs into the main shaft and close it. I have a bad feeling about this.
The Player puts the CzH4D12 Primer into the air shaft and closes it. Just then Flood and two Lupines enter the room.
Flood: What is the meaning of this!?!
The Fool: Hello its me again! Put me on speaker for a bit. Ahem. Hello there welcome to The Fools Prankster Drive-Thru how may I help you?
Flood: The Fool? What the fuck are you and your lackey are up too!?
The Fool: One order of WTF are you up too. Got it. Do you want fries with that sir?
Flood: You better answer my question before my bodyguards tear you errand boy limb from limb!
The Fool: Oh Flood my vein friend. I am just here to spread the word. And that word is: Chaos! Have fun!
Just then explosions happen all around and a orange mist is ejected into the air.
Flood: What the? Guards! Seize the human! Guards? Guards!?!
Floods guards are fighting with each other.
Operator: Ok, I think running away would be a very good idea now!
The Player leaves the Operations Room to find all the lupines in the club have gone feral and are randomly attacking club members and each other. The Player must battle out of the Club and the Coat Check room to exit from harms way.
The Fool: Ah revenge is a dish best served cold. Its also very tasty but high in corn syrup. Then again, what dose not have corn syrup these days? Safe Houses that is what! I am sending there right now. Hurry up and be safe, or you will be out! I am the Umpire here me roar!
Operator: That man is 18 flavors of crazy. Why us? Screw that, why me?
As the player makes it to the safe house he has a chance to be attacked by a group of wild lupines. When the Player reaches the safe house it is filled of high leveled Joker's Child members who are all laughing at what the Player has done. You must talk to the safe house leader Bubbles.
Bubbles: Aww man, did you see that? All over the streets the pooches were going crazy running around biting people and beating their chest like Tarzan! Fucking hilarious! Boss says here to wait awhile until it is safe obviously!
A short period of time a Lupine breaks in but is quickly killed by the Joker's Child. Then Bubbles speaks.
Bubbles: You are free to go. The boss says he might have a call waiting for you. See ya smelly!
The Player leaves the safe house and his phone vibrates.
The Fool: Very good to see the mission is done and successful _______. Why am I saying that? Well, guess who I am on the phone with? If you said Amber than you are dead wrong! Froggy has called back after some calamity on the streets and in the Chateu that involved Agents. He wants to "re-negotiate" our deal. Hmmm, guess Froggy was right. We are all victims of causality. I kick his French ass and he calls back to re-negotiate. Cause and Effect! How cute!
:..>Laughing LastSummary: Prank a high ranking Exile in Public.
The Fool: You know what is my favoret word? Frosted Nuts. It kind of rolls of the touge.
Anyhow, welcome back ______. You have become in a very short period of time one of my best if not the best lap dog I have ever had. And I rarely say that to anyone but my penis! This is a proud feeling you should have, even members in my own organization can't even claim that much!
With that said, it is not a secret that I cannot stand the cookie baker. However, if there is anyone I hate more than its her squint eyed sidekick. "Oh, its the wingless obsolete angle that fought with Neo! Can you please kick my ass? Please!" "Ok, but I must apologize for my bad English skills. WHAAAAAAA-SEARPH KUNG POW CHICKEN POWER ACTIVATE!" It sickens me.
So here is my question to you. Are you ready to pull off the biggest prank ever in the Matrix and maybe even in the entire history of prankdom? Well you are going to anyway because you are whipped on me! Two places you need to go, the first is to one of my Joker's Child members for some items stat!
The Player heads to an abandoned building whose walls are crumbling and standing in the living room is one Joker's Child member.
Joker's Child Member: I cannot believe that he is sending you, a Redpill to do this. It would be an honor for anyone of us to pull this off. However, I do not blame him, most of the Joker's Child are filled with stupid young teenyboppers misfits and if we sent out a Joker to do this the boss could be easily traced. Man the boss is a smart guy! Anyhow, here is what you need. Take these and call me in the morning! Or at least the boss.
The Player takes the "Recording Device" and the "Nuro Poison" from the Joker's Child and leaves the building.
The Fool: Ok, wingless is currently at a Tea Party with the rest of his stuff animals. I want you to go there and find a lonely Tea Maid in the Kitchen and knock her out. Take her badge and mix the Tea with the Nuro Poison and then serve it to our guest of honor. I will then tell you what to do from there. Do not screw up my young padawan!
The Player arives at a posh looking building that host a bunch of exiles and Tea Maids serving Tea. Seraph is in the corner drinking Tea by himself.
Operator: Ok, snoop around and find the girl. Knock her out and take her badge, that way Seraph will think you are a Tea server.
The Player finds one kitchen with an alarm and a Tea Made. The Player snuffs her without triggering the alarm and takes her badge.
Operator: Ok, in the microwave looking thing there should be some Tea. Put the Nuro Poison in there with the Tea and turn the machine on.
The Player drags the Nuro Poison in the Tea Maker and then activates it. A whirr and a bing later the Operator calls back.
Operator: Now take it and serve it to Seraph.
The Player takes the Cup of Tea and brings it to Seraph.
Seraph: Thank you Tea Server for your hospitality.
Seraph drinks the Tea. The Operator chimes back in.
Operator: Ok, The Fool just called me and is telling me that you should start a fight with Seraph. He did not say anything else. This sounds to risky _____, I say we should back out of this one.
The Fool: I have a way to solve this. The Operator is going to play a game of Rock, Paper, Fool. Here we go. Rock...Paper...Fool! I win. Now get going and start a fight with squinty!
The Player talks to Seraph.
Seraph: You want to challenge me to a duel. Here? Well, ok, but I must apologize for this...
The Player fights Seraph. At first it is hopeless, but then red viral code starts spewing from Seraph's RSI.
Seraph: What is this? I feel...weak!
The Fool: Its working! You are doing great _____! Give him a one two and remember, aim for the digital nards!
The Player beats Seraph as he gets weaker and weaker until he is hopeless. Eventually the Player defeats Seraph in combat with shock coming from the on lookers and screams of I don't believe it!
The Player flees the building.
The Fool: For the completion of this wonderful humiliation, I need you to visit one of my good friends in the media. Head there and do not get killed, we need you in one piece...or two!
On the way, the Player will get attacked by a group of MegaCity Scouts looking for revenge on Seraph. After defeating them or out running them the Player will enter another abandon building and find The Newsie lying and waiting.
Newsie: So mac, I heard you got a big scoop for me? Well give the recording to me!
Operator: Er, I think he means the Recording Device but I am confused to all of this.
The Player gives the Recording Device to The Newsie.
Newsie: Got it, this is good. Thanks a lot. Bye!
Operator: What just happened?
The Player leaves and the Fool calls back for one last message.
The Fool: Did you just had any idea what you just did? You not only defeated Seraph in what appeared to be a fair fight, but you obtained recorded code data of the whole thing. That data can be made into video for broad and podcast as well as extracted as pictures for print publication.
I can only imagine the headline in the Exile papers: NEWSFLASH! LOWLY HUMAN REDPILL _______ BEATS UNBEATABLE SERAPH! READ MORE TO SEE HOW THE COOKIE CRUMBLES!
Well done _____, you are not cooked rare. I am going to definally put you on the list of people I need in those "getting the varnish off a footlocker" situations. Sad for me but thankfully for your Operator I must go, there is funny panic and chaos to watch on TV now. Here if your consolation prize.....I think its soap or something. Other wise, ciao and remember: If you arrive late to the table you will not get any pudding! Smell you later alligator.
Next Up: The Magician and more Artwork.
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