Litter Crackdown

 
 

City authorities announced yesterday a new initiative to find and punish litterers.

 

Garbage Strike Threatened

By City Staff

Complaining of dangerous working conditions, city sanitation workers gave notice they will invoke a strike clause in the union agreement unless measures are taken to increase worker safety.

Four waste-removal truck drivers have been murdered in the last four months. All were shot.

"I didn't sign up for combat duty, said one driver, who asked not to be identified."

Reports of a man wearing a porcelain mask and lurking among dumpsters are widespread among sanitation workers. "The mask. I saw it. It gives me the creeps to think about it," said another, who says he now carries a gun on his rounds.

Some workers believe the murders are the work of a serial killer. Law enforcement authorities are investigating.

Fly In My Soup

Andres Bonifaciaeo

Small things ruin large experiences. Take the memorial service for the sanitation workers, Edruder M Pomsheur, and Phom Reu Desid. Two normal Joes, murdered on the job who knows why. Probably just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I knew Ed from a ridealong I did a while back. You learn that virtually everybody's work, and life, is interesting if you spend enough time with them that they open up. I hadn't met his wife and daughters, though. They're soldiering on in this mad world.

I won't intrude on their privacy by repeating what was said. But clearly both Ed and Phom Reu were dearly loved. I was moved.

But then the fly. I noticed on the way in a bunch of those "Redpill" hipsters were hanging around a phone booth near the church. Ever notice how much they love phone booths? This, even though I see them using cell phones constantly. I stopped trying to understand them after fifty or so cryptic answers to my questions. Short version: they live in a different world than we do.

Anyway, near the end of the service, just when the group had reached one of those rare moments in life where the differences between humans fall away…race, wealth, religion, all of it…and you're feeling so damn close with everyone because this is what awaits you all, losing everyone we love, or leaving them…gunfire starts.

It was the Redpills at the phone booth. Shouts, fighting, cries (they're all nuts for martial arts), more shots. It put us all in fight-or-flight mode.

Once the shots died down, we cautiously came out. We found the Redpill crowd almost completely gone, and the few left looking up at the sky.

I asked one whether a helicopter had scared everybody off, and he looked at me oddly and said, "he needed no helicopter." Who? And the Redpill clammed up. So did the others I asked. I was so furious I just left. These freaks fight for fun. Well, let them kill each other, if that's what they're into. I don't care.

Funny thing, though. After all that shooting: no bodies, no blood. These people, they're different. We work, pay taxes, get killed hauling garbage.

For these people, it seems like life is just a game.

Mystery Leaflets Plague City

By Sentinel Staff

City authorities announced yesterday a new initiative to find and punish litterers.

"Posters, trash and especially leaflets have become a major problem," a spokesman said. "It can no longer be tolerated. It is hurting the city."

Asked if the leaflets are connected with the increase in helicopter traffic, the spokesman said, "that's under investigation. Commercial activity of that kind is prohibited under City regulations but I don't have specific information on what planned prosecutions may be in preparation."

Critics of city government complained that more urgent problems, like gang violence, organized crime and illegal "Fight Clubs" deserved higher priority. "Once again, symbols of disorder are attacked before actual disorder," said one. "Perception trumps reality."

Reports of leaflets blowing about the city are widespread. Many are cryptic, perhaps alluding to the underground music scene in the city, or the "Redpill" culture now in vogue.

Some of the leaflet slogans are:

    "Neorealism: Danger is a willow that regrows after the cut."

    "Do not trust the Frenchman."

    "The Agency of Order may trick some again."

    "Lifelines, severed, one by one. The mind marooned, the body will waste."

    "Help is coming. Look to the skies!"

Many believe the leaflets are being dropped by helicopters. No reports of leaflets being passed out on streetcorners have turned up, despite extensive investigation.

Sentinel staff would welcome tips on who is behind the leaflets, and what they may mean.


Personal of the Day

 

Hammerline, don't join Niobe's vendetta.
She's headed for a fall.
I don't want to lose you. Love, L.


News Briefs

 

City University is conducting a noise pollution study focusing on aircraft noise in the City. Listening posts have been established at points around the city and noise levels are being monitored and measured in real time. "We have numerous reports that air traffic has increased. Our study will help determine if that is so, and whether it's further stressing inhabitants," a spokesman said.


Law enforcement officials report an "alarming" increase in the use of fragmenting fragmenting in gun crimes in the city. "These things are extraordinarily lethal, and needless to say, illegal. The bullets fragment and spread as they penetrate the body, often severing many blood vessels, leading to a quick death from blood loss," an official said. Authorities are investigating the source of the bullets.
Pranksters decorated the Azimuth monument with graffiti of the "three laws of robotics" featured in the tales of science fiction writer Isaac Asimov. "Not only did it cost several hundred taxpayer dollars to clean it up, but it's a very lame pun," said an official. The monument has since been coated with a wax compound, facilitating easy cleaning in the future.
Club Sanguine, the popular nightclub, has reopened with new management after a closure due to the death of the previous owner.